My very very old problem.....

Suddenly noticed today that i was in a lot of negative frame of mind for almost whole day..
Poor endsem paper of 'Process integration' consumed my some time after exam.. (And academic thoughts were finished) But what about the next half day.. ? Such days do not have a very great frequency, but still it is a concern to me.. i don't know where these thoughts come from ?
Generally on such days, i spend a lot of time thinking on " what i am, what i want to be and what i can't be ". i sometimes really feel ashamed of myself that i am upto the mark (of myself), sometimes i am really angry and frustrated on myself that i am so ordinary, so typical, and so unexceptional. i have also noticed that i get carried away with my emotions (or sentiments), which i don't on my normal days..
i remember similar days right from my school days. One of the reasons (found today) for this thing is, the value of exellence..
The problem here is that exellence has been actually "very appealing" value for me. i will say its only half implemented. I always want to imagine myself at a higher level than i am BUT i do take absolutely zero efforts to achieve it. (true for everything, for my physical, social, mental and spiritual well being) (haha.., nice line !! ).
The 'presence of appeal' and 'absence of the drive' is creating this problem..
So this might be due to basic problem of mine .. " Halfheartedness " (will write about it some other day )